Broken Eggs and Baby Girls

My two year old, Isabella, has learned to open the refrigerator.  Oh happy day.  If you can't find her or if she's suddenly quiet, you can most likely find her with her whole body in the fridge (in her words) "looking for sum-sin".  I've found her surrounded by reese's peanut butter cup wrappers, she's brought me the glass pickle jar on multiple occasions, and she's constantly trying to help herself to the juice boxes we buy for her to take to school.

She has a fascination with the eggs in our refrigerator. We have a special shelf on our door for the eggs and every chance she gets, she is bringing Sergio or I an egg (or two).  We try not to freak out or startle her (because we don't want her to drop the egg) but we jump up from what we're doing and say, "Noooooo Isabella.  Careful you will break it!  We don't carry eggs!".  We then tuck it back safely into the refrigerator.  She's gotten to the point now that as she's carrying you the eggs in her sticky, sweaty, little hands she is telling you, "We no hold eggs, we be careful, careful".

Tonight, we came home late.  I've been feeling more tired than normal, a little hormonal and moody these last few days.  (I guess it's pregnancy stuff!)  But tonight, I just wanted to get her in the bed as soon as possible.  I set about fixing her nightly bottle and of course had to open the refrigerator and "help" me get out the milk and take her daily inventory of the contents of the refrigerator.  As I was making her bottle, I heard the door to the refrigerator open again and without turning around I told her to shut the door, which she did not do.  (We are working on first-time obedience in our house!)

I turned to see what she was getting into and I see her holding up what had to be the biggest egg in the refrigerator.  My response was quick, sharp and somewhat of a whine, "ISABELLA!  PUT THAT BACK!  WE DON'T CARRY THE EGGS, THEY WILL..." can you guess what happened?  Yep.  She jumped at my harsh response and the egg slipped right out of her little hand and splattered all over my immaculate kitchen floor (I can pretend it was clean for a more dramatic effect, right?)  For a split moment, I watched those little hazel colored eyes well up with tears and look up at me worried and a little scared... but it didn't phase me.  I started fussing at her.  "Look what you did!  I have told you over and over again not to pick up those eggs!  Now I have to clean the floor.  Go get daddy, show him what you did!"  She stood watching me with her little fingers in her mouth--eyes wide and sad.

Later as I was grumbling and wiping up the mess from the floor, the image of my sweet two-year old BABY looking up at me worried and frustrated with herself for dropping the egg came back to my mind.  I felt like God spoke to me and told me, "Kristi, it's just an egg.  It was an accident.  She's two". It hit me (what can I say?  I'm slow.) she's a little girl, curious about her world, and wanting more than anything to please her mommy.  Yet the moment she made a mistake, it was like she was expecting and waiting for my sharp and negative response.  It was almost as if she was bracing herself for what was to come. How many times have I responded out of frustration from being inconvenienced?  More times than I'd like to admit.

 I felt so convicted.  I felt my own eyes well up with tears. Frusterated with myself at being so impatient, such an imperfect mother.  I sometimes hold such high expectations for my sweet little girl--sometimes I accidentally expect perfection.  But God reminded me today that my little girl's confidence and self-worth is like that egg.  So delicate, fragile, and easily broken.  In this moment, I hold her confidence and self-worth in my hands and if I'm not careful I can slip up and smash it.   So tonight as I gave her a good night kiss and hugged her goodnight I assured her, "Mommy's not mad baby.  It was just an accident.  We all have accidents, it's just an egg.  Mommy cleaned it up".  She looked up at me with those big, innocent, trusting eyes and smiled with a relief and repeated, "It's an accident mommy, it's okay.  You cleaned it up".

I did baby, I cleaned up more than the floor.  I cleaned up Mommy's attitude!

This mommy is realizing that my daughter's self-worth and confidence are so much more delicate and important than any old egg in the refrigerator.  I'm setting aside my unrealistic expectations.  And recognizing from this point on, I need to do a better job of guarding my baby girl's self-worth and confidence with everything that I am.

The world will always be there to tell her she's a disappointment or that she's not enough... I want to be the person that is there to help her clean up and repair her self-worth and confidence when some careless person breaks her delicate shell.