Deadly Perfection

 I have strived to be perfect and/or to obtain perfection my entire life.   I am here to confess to you that I have failed and continue to fail miserably.  Yet despite my repeated failures, I have never been able to give up this unhealthy desire for perfection. 

We all secretly want it, the perfect job, the perfect house, perfect spouses, perfect bodies, perfect kids---the whole nine yards.  You can act like the idea of a "perfect life" isn't appealing to you, but I know it is at the least, tempting.  Imagine a life where you never fought with your spouse, your house was always in perfect order and you could eat as much cake as you wanted because you knew you´d be able to stick to your six-day-a-week-without-exceptions-workout-routine.  Imagine life perfectly balanced, well-behaved children, no emotional dips or spikes, fufillment and contentment in your job, peaceful perfection.

I have sought out perfection in academics only to discover there is will always be someone smarter.   I strove for perfection in my appearance only to note, all to quickly, there are many FAR more beautiful than I.  I yearned for perfection in my job performance, only to realize that humans get sick, and tired, and burnt out.  I vowed for perfection in my "spiritualness" only to confront the fact that all my humanness gets in the way.  No matter how much I prayed, fasted and denied myself... my imperfect humanness would always be there.  I desired perfection in my relationships, only to lose myself in the process and to realize that there can never be perfection in any relationships that involves imperfect people.

Over the years, I have attempted to reach perfection in various ways and forms.  I have sought out perfection in multiple areas, only to discover one truth: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION.  The idea of perfection is a deep, slippery, and ultimately deadly trap.  I have learned that the only outcome from seeking perfection is failure.  Deep, soul-wracking, self-esteem destroying failure.

I sit here writing to you, in all my imperfection... striving no longer to be perfect, but to be real.  The Bible does not say, well done my good and perfect servant...it says well done my good and faithful servant.  I am well aware that I will never be nor obtain perfection, but I can be faithful. 

I may never have the perfect body that I want, but I can be faithful in caring for the body I do have.  I can take care of what I eat, my activity level, and my health.  I can make adjustments, improvements... and I can faithfully care for the body God gave me... I can faithfully care for my health, which is truly a gift from God. 

I will never be a perfect housekeeper.  I will not always have a spotless house and the latest decor, but I can be a faithful steward of the home that the Lord has blessed me with.  I can keep my home in order and can run my home in a way that glorifies God.  I can even still enjoy the sixty seconds of perfect cleaniness and order that comes after cleaning...until someone spills their sippy cup or dumps out the recently organized toy bin.

I will never be the perfect wife, but I can be a faithful wife.  A wife that tries to love her husband as herself and that seeks to serve and minister to him.  I can faithfully persue God so that He can teach me how to faithfully persue my husband´s heart.

I will never be the perfect mother but I can be a faithful mother.  I will lose my patience, I will cry from exhaustion, I will sometimes question why I wanted to be a mother... but just the same I will faithfully love my children, teach my children right from wrong, pray for my children to have hearts after God and try my best to be an example of an imperfect person made perfectly acceptable and righteous in Christ Jesus.

I have learned that the aimless attempt to reach perfection will bring no joy, satisfaction or contentment.  It will bring just the opposite.  This vain endeavor will only destroy my self-esteem, my joy, my body, my contentment, my family, my marriage, and my job.  It is a terrible trap...an unobtainable goal.

I don't know about you, but I am thankful that a perfect God doesn't require perfection from me.  He requires faithfulness.  He accepts me as I am--with all my flaws and imperfections--and loves me still.  I am grateful that day-by-day and year-by-year, He is saving me from the trap of perfection and that He is showing me that the most important thing I can ever obtain in this life is faithfulness.