Revenge and Being the Bigger Person

Douglas Horton was quoted saying, "When seeking revenge, dig two graves- one for yourself."  This statement really stuck me hard today--like a punch in the gut actually.   You see, I've wanted revenge.  I've not wanted to be the "bigger person" lately.  Seeking revenge often hurts us far worse than it ever does the person we are trying to get even with.  How many of you have ever had to deal with an extremely rude or difficult person?  How many of you have been hurt by someone or attacked by a person when you didn't deserve it?  How many of you have struggled with anger and hatred and the desire to see that person "get what they deserve?"  I raise my hand ashamed, as I'm guilty to all of the above.  

I am not an angry person by nature, in fact, it takes a lot to make me angry.  However, once I am angry, as my brothers have told me, I can be downright scary.  I honestly try to live a drama-free life.  I try to avoid gossip and people who gossip.  I try to treat people the way I want to be treated and I try to be kind and respectful to everyone... even if they're not my favorite person.  This doesn't mean that I've not had my share of hurtful ends to relationships, mean words said to me or about me, or that at times I've not gotten entangled in some type of drama.

A while back I experienced a difficult situation with an extremely difficult person, this isn't the first issue with this person either.  This person's intentions where to try and hurt me with their words.  They verbally assaulted me.  They said many hurtful, untrue things to me, and spoke to me in a way that I've never been spoken to before or since.   I managed to escape the situation without any regrets, I didn't do anything or say anything that would later cause me to need to apologize.  I tried to exit the attack as kindly and gracefully as I could, even though every part of my being wanted to tell this said person what I really thought about them and hurt them back with my words.  Afterwards, I was shocked, I was confused, I was hurt and then I was angry...VERY angry. 

This situation has been awkward and uncomfortable and impossible to totally escape.  I've had to deal with this person since then, and I've struggled.  I've wanted to hate this person.  I've imagined saying all the things I want to say to them.  I've even envisioned punching them!  (Did I just admit that out loud?)  I've wanted to lash out and hurt this person.  I've wanted to sit back and laugh as this person got what they had coming.  But I haven't been able to.

Despite of the "right" I have to feel the way I do, God won't allow me to retaliate.  He hasn't allowed me to "seek revenge".  He hasn't permitted me to treat this person the way this person continues to treat me and I hate it.  He has called me to be the bigger person, not my own avenger.  He has told me to forgive not just once, but seven times seventy.  He has commanded me to LOVE my enemies and to PRAY for those who hate me... and it's hard.  My flesh wants revenge, wants to see this person hurt the way they hurt others.  But the Bible tells me clearly in Romans 12:17-21:

    Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as    
   depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to 
   wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Therefore "If your enemy is  
   hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing so you will heap coals of fire on his head.  
  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

These are a few of those verses in the Bible that I would like to pretend I don't know exist at times.  It seems to go against everything that seems "fair"... to have to repay good to those who do evil to you.  But, I have reminding myself that my struggle isn't against flesh and blood.  It's against the powers of darkness and that this "person" is allowing the enemy to destroy their life.  They are simply a pawn in the hands of the enemy.  That is punishment enough.  

So for now, I'm trying to be the bigger person.  I'm determined to do my best to live in peace with all men, and I'm not going to allow my heart to be tainted and controlled by anger and unforgiveness.  I've given this situation to God time and time again, and if I have to keep doing that multiple times a day, so be it.   I WILL walk in peace, I WILL walk in forgiveness and I will trust God that He will repay, that HE will avenge me.