What is grief?

What is grief?

It's an ocean of sadness in which many days you just try to stay afloat.  Somedays the wind is wild, blowing memories through your mind, the what-ifs, the never to comes.  The lightening cracks and the thunder rolls darkening the sky and your heart.  There are days in which the waves come crashing down on you, over and over, you can't even catch your breath and yet another wave is pushing you down, down, down.

What is grief?

It's the dark cloud that hovers over you--threating to rain at any moment.  It's smiling through holidays, special milestones and birthday parties all while your heart feels like it has been replaced by a heavy stone.  Tears in your eyes, a smile on your face.  You know you're so very blessed to be there--in that moment with so many special people--but you can't help but long for that one person to be there, even if it's just for a moment.

What is grief?

It's laying in your bed at 3AM, so exhausted your body aches but sleep doesn't find you.  But the torrents of tears find their way out of your eyes.  Grasp pillow, stifle sobs--you don't want anyone to wake up.  Your mind is racing, thinking, remembering.  Trying to pray, but your prayers end up being whispers of, "I miss you" or "I love you".

What is grief?

It is 11 months and 19 days of learning to live without you. And I hate it.