Who's this for?

The moment I stepped off the airplane onto Colombian soil and the hot, humid air hit me in the face... I remember thinking to myself, I have arrived.  As we waited for six exactly fifty pound bags that contained our only material possessions we now owned to make their way to the baggage claim, I was hopeful, nervous, excited, homesick, weepy, scared to death and... ready!

I arrived thinking that I was coming here for someone... for something... for some purpose.  But here lately, I've found myself asking God quite frequently... Who's this for?

In a somewhat egotistical fashion, I assumed that because God had "called me here" I was going to show up and immediately begin "ministering" to the people I came in contact with.  I suppose subconsciously I thought lives were going to be changed, the ministries we were taking over transformed and Colombia was going to be impacted.  I can honestly say while I never consciously thought these things, when these things didn't begin happening, I begin to realize that I had indeed arrived with some expectations that weren't being fulfilled.

Talk about the refining fire of God... boy does it burn!  Talk about being pruned... it hurts!  I've been trimmed back to a nub over these past few years.  Talk about having ugly, hidden things in your heart... things you weren't even aware of?  They've all surfaced.  Talk about fears and worries?  They metamorphosed into new, bigger, scarier ones.  Talk about finding out who your true friends are... wait and see who still writes and calls about three years of living abroad.  

In many ways, it's been a solitary walk through the desert.  A lonely time.  But I've stopped holding people by the hand, my family by the hand, friendships by the hand, my abilities by the hand... I've started taking Jesus by the hand... and He's been leading me.  Step by painful step.  

At the risk of sounding arrogant, I know in my spirit, that God brought me here for something extraordinary.  What that is?  I still couldn't tell you, but believe in my heart that all these things that I've experienced have been with a purpose.  They've been preparation for what's to come.  

Isaiah 43:19 says, "For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland".


This verse has been in my heart and spirit during the past few weeks.  When I read this verse and think about the changes that have been occurring, the fresh move of the spirit that's been visiting our services lately and the people that God is bringing to our church and school, I can't deny it.  I get excited, hopeful, nervous and ready... all over again.

All of THIS... the sacrifices, the painful processes, the time of preparation has been and will continue to be... for somebody... for something... and for some purpose.  All of THIS is for me, it's for others, but most importantly it's for Him.