Like I'm Gonna Lose You

The first time I met you I never knew how much my life was going to change.

You introduced yourself to me at an ice cream social in a dingy cafeteria in Franklin Springs, Georgia.  After asking you to repeat your name three times, I just smiled and nodded pretending that I had understood your accent. From our first (nonofficial) date, where you pretended to know directions to somewhere I needed to go, to the moment you officially asked me to be your girlfriend in the laundry room of Drum, to the day we stood in front of each other promising forever... I've loved you.

Back when we were "new" every time we held hands, hugged, talked on the phone until late in the night or kissed...I held my breath.  At first I loved you like I was going to lose you but it was out of fear.  I worried you'd grow tired of me, that you'd learn all my flaws, lose interest or that some other girl would steal you away from me.  As most of us know, young love can be so consuming, so immature and at times, a little bit obsessive.  I loved you daily.  I loved you every moment.

Today, I heard a song that made me ask myself the question: How am I loving you now?  After eleven (plus) years together, nearly six years of marriage, two babies and an international move later... how do I love you today?

Today, I still love you like I'm gonna lose you, because I could.  I'd be foolish to think that bad things don't happen to good people, that death or divorce aren't real, that people don't fall out of love or that infidelity doesn't happen.  I  need to love you like I'm gonna lose you because the reality is I can lose you.  When I love you like I'm gonna lose you, I love you differently.  I don't take you for granted.  I cherish you.  I take advantage of every opportunity to kiss you good morning, hug you goodbye and lay in your arms to fall asleep each night.  I cherish the way you hold me when I cry, laugh at my stupid jokes and encourage me to be the best version of myself.  When I consider the fact I could lose you, I take in every detail of you.  The way you're looking more and more like a man and less and less like the "kid" I fell in love with.  I'll notice the gray hairs that are sneaking up on you, the squareness of your jaw and the masculinity of your hands.

James 4:14 tells us that we are but vapors, here today and gone tomorrow.  I hope that we both leave this earth in each other arms, but in case that doesn't happen... I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you every day until I do.