When You're Not Where You Thought You'd Be

Image via Brooke vs. the World

 I had a plan for my life.  I had a mental timeline for when things were supposed to happen and how they were supposed to happen.  I'd be married and by twenty-five awaiting my first child.  I'd be living within a few hours of my parents and I'd be teaching elementary school.  I'd buy and pay for my first new car, finish my Master's Degree and have my very own house shortly before my second child was born.  I'd drive home every couple weekends and have Sunday lunch with my family and my children would grow up spending weekends and holidays running through my parents' home.  I knew just how my life was going to play out... until it didn't.  

My life hasn't fallen into place like I'd always imagined.  Just a few examples, I fell in love with a man from another country and culture... after five and a half years were were engaged  when I was  twenty-five.   I ended up living in another state, three hours from my family and gave birth to my first daughter two days before my twenty-seventh birthday.  Fast-forward a few years and I am currently living in Colombia, South America.  I have two precious girls, my Master's Degree and I'm working in a Christian School where I attempt to speak Spanish all day long.  

The Bible says in Proverbs 16:19, "A man's heart devises his way: but the LORD directs his steps".   God definitely had plans for me that I did not have for myself.  I've quoted Amy Carmichael once before, but this statement has really resounded within me.  She stated, "Often His call is to follow in paths we would not have chosen.”  I can so completely relate to her statement.  I followed a call from God to follow my husband here to Colombia, South America and I've struggled at times.  I've missed home and my family.  I've missed my independence.  I've questioned God.  I've cried, pouted, moped, and pitched many a fit.   I've wanted to hurry up and "finish" whatever it is we're supposed to do so we can "go home".  Every time I see someone buying a new car or getting the keys to their new house, I feel a slight little twinge.  I'm happy for them, but there's part of me that thinks... I was supposed to have my own house by now.  I was supposed to be driving around in my paid-for car now.  I get caught up in the comparison game... I've learned I was much more materialistic than I thought I was.  

My point is, life doesn't always pan out like we think it will.   I mean that in many different ways, my life is a good life.  It's just not what I always dreamed it would be.  I am learning how to accept that and LIVE LIFE in whatever situation I find myself.  Often times when we find ourselves in a place we didn't want to be or when we are waiting to "arrive" to what we think is the reasonable "next step" in our lives, we often freeze and get stuck in waiting for that next phase: when I get a boyfriend, when I get engaged, when I get married, when I have a kid, when we buy a house, when I get that promotion, etc.  We stop living because we are waiting for life to start.  

My prayer is that God teaches me how to be content in all moments...that He teaches me how to live life in all moments. Paul said in Philippians 4 verses 11-13,  "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

I'm not where I thought I'd be at thirty years of age, but that's okay.  I have to trust that God knows better and that His plans are better. I know that He can handle my disappointment, frustration, and weakness... but my prayer is that He will teach me to be truly content in every moment of my life and that He will help me to LIVE every moment of my life, no matter where I find myself.